Monday, August 4, 2008
Passion Speech Critiques - 8:30am class
Please post your blog critiques under this posting. Be sure to include enough details for both delivery and content aspects to include at least three improvements and three strengths. Remember that I am expecting some depth in your critique comments. You should not only help your speech "buddy" set goals for the fall semester but, illustrate from the perspective of the sender what makes for effective communication.
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17 comments:
My speech buddy was Jeanine Roberts.
Jeanine's intro was ok. She could have cited at least one source to give her more credibility. Her attention getter was good. She worked hard for a conversational and personable style which she executed nicely.
She could have been clearer on the main points she was going to discuss which would have made it easier for the audience to follow. Her content was excellent just the fluidity of the information needed some rearranging and more smoothly uses of transitions.
Jeanine had a conversational style which I believe to be very appropriate and fitting for the audience. She had a nice tone, and good rate. At sometimes she would drop at the end of her sentences as if unsure. Other than that diction was not an issue.
Eye contact was on point. She improved a lot on the connection to the audience through her face. The only negative thing was she crossed her legs almost for the entire speech which made it a little awkward to look at her. And the position that she was facing the audience was only a quarter out, which wasn’t good. However, she did switch to the audience during the body of her speech.
Conclusion could have been clearer and maybe she could have added a little bit more personal information to make it more personable.
Great Job again Jeanine!
My speech buddy was Ashley Perez.
Ashley's passion was dancing.
Ashley did an awesome job today!
She had an excellent introduction. She cited and also had a preview.
Ashley's voice captivated your attention. She was interactive with the audience and held the audiences attention throughout the whole presentation. you could hear the passion she had for dance through her voice and body language.
Ashley cited very well, she looked at her note cards for time to time however she did it to make sure she cited correctly.
She cited her interview that she had with the dance team coach at Rider University. She made a great connection with her and has now made a great network.
she presented her experience which gave her credibility to what she was saying.
Her power point was beautiful. When we were done seeing her presentation we all knew why she needed her power point to work so badly.
Ashley's conclusion ended with a bang and i must say it was one of the most memorable speeches in our class yet.I am so proud!
My speech buddy is Brandon Diaz.
Brandon's intro was good, the comment about the McDonalds' logo was funny and then the video was sticky. His information was good. I liked that he included some of the graphics he's done because it showed experience. He maintained good eye contact with the audience.
He needs to improve on remembering to cite more, it is one of the few things he needs improvement. He also needs to learn how speak louder and keep a loud tone. I feel that his conclusion could have been better; I felt he just cut off his conclusion. He needs to expand more on his ideas. His ideas are good, but they would be better if he explained more.
My speech buddy was Jamar.
Congratulations Jamar! Jamar has improved tremendously from his previous speeches. His introduction had a good attention getter. he made everyone l;laugh and got his audience involved from the jump start. Only, the next time he should tell a joke that pertains to his topic and not just a statement from out of nowhere.
Jamar should learn to project his voice more. he tends to mumble throughout his speeches.
however, Jamar was very clear on his main points. He explained each one but also he personalized all his main points. i could tell that he had a passion for his passion through the knowledge he had on his topic. he rarely looked at his power point slide which was great.
Jamar also needs to work on a proper ending. he also needs to cite his pictures both verbally and on the slides.
Jamar has a very strong conversational tone of voice and connects with his audience very well.
Overall, great job!!!
My speech buddy was Quanda Brinson. Her passion was her grandmother.
Her attention getter was good, because she grabbed the attention of the audience. I thought her introduction was good. She could have used more credibilty. She was very personable during her presentation then she used a little bit of humor.
Quanda has a distinct voice. Her rate was good although she could have slowed down just a tiny bit. The pitch of her voice was goog. She was able to articulate herself more clearly than her first speech.
Her posture was very good this time. She did move her body that much. Unfortunately, she did not start off with a good eye contact. She looked at the powerpoint a lot in the beginning of her speech. However, she began looking at the audience once she felt comfortable.
The way she presented her speech to the audience was very conversational. I notice how the audience and myself connected with her. She used examples to support her main points, but I felt she could have used more.
One improvement I feel Quanda needs is the use of citations. In her passion speech she merely cited anyone.
To sum it up, Quanda's speech improved a lot more since the last time. She looked very nice and presentable.
My partner Diandra’s speech was very good. She spoke about the Power to Evoke Emotions.
Her intro was good however there was no creditability. In her earlier slides there were no citations but she corrected that mistake towards the end in the later slides. She spoke in a very good conversational voice and she had very good eye contact. Diandra’s presence says that she was very comfortable while giving her speech; it looks like it comes very naturally to her. However, while speaking there were a couple of times she said “um” and “ah” indicating that she was not as comfortable as she looked.
She stated her main points nicely and clearly which made it extremely easy for her audience to keep up with her and fully comprehend what the presentation was about.
Her conclusion was very good and it tied in very well with the presentation. Overall, I think Diandra did a great job, like always!
My partner Diandra’s speech was very good. She spoke about the Power to Evoke Emotions.
Her intro was good however there was no creditability. In her earlier slides there were no citations but she corrected that mistake towards the end in the later slides. She spoke in a very good conversational voice and she had very good eye contact. Diandra’s presence says that she was very comfortable while giving her speech; it looks like it comes very naturally to her. However, while speaking there were a couple of times she said “um” and “ah” indicating that she was not as comfortable as she looked.
She stated her main points nicely and clearly which made it extremely easy for her audience to keep up with her and fully comprehend what the presentation was about.
Her conclusion was very good and it tied in very well with the presentation. Overall, I think Diandra did a great job, like always!
My speech buddy was Nick.
Nick's introduction successfully grabbed the audience's attention. After his introduction he stated his main points in a way that was very clear. He had a great use of connectors to make his speech flow while he explained each main point. He had no problem at all following his message which gave off the message that he knew his information. Throughout his speech he constantly cited his sources verbally and he cited them on the powerpoint also. He spoke clearly and at a rate that allowed you to intake all of his information and understand why it was his passion. While doing so he kept great eye contact, not focusing on the PowerPoint. In addition he kept good body posture, making sure to use his hands the right way, instead of letting them be a distraction. His conclusion was very good. I liked the way he incorporated his PowerPoint, to reinforce everything he said. He also made his conclusion personal for the audience, which was a good attention getter, if they just so happened to zone off during the rest of his speech. Overall, I felt that Nick's speech was flawless, and an excellent example of how a person should do their speech.
My speech buddy is Stephanie Ahenkora.
Stephanie's introduction was ok but she had no credibility. Her attention getter was great. It caught the audience attention. She had great eye contact but there were times where she glanced at the screen.
She could have been a little more elaborate on her main points. She had poor use of connectives; trust me I know because my connectives need to be improved on as well. Her tone of voice was clear, but not conversational. She stumbled maybe once or twice but she picked herself right back up on track.
Stephanie had a lot of confidence as she was up there in front of her audience. She showed it through her movements that she loves dancing, stepping in particular. One thing that I remember is that she said how stepping helped her build up her self confidence, interact more with people and overall enjoy her high school experience. She said it was a way of helping her to "get involved".
Her conclusion could have been stronger as far as citing went. She only included one verbal cite. Overall, Stephanie Ahenkora strive and potential to become one of the world's strongest woman leaders. With more practice and better connectives, Stephanie will be a good pubic speaker.
My wonderful speech partner was Lavenus,
She began her presentation with a question which is always a good way to get the audiences attention right away. Her main points were stated well but could maybe have used a little bit more depth to keep the audience interested.
Lavenus also had very good, accurate, and interesting information, her only problem was that she didnt know the information in her head as well as she could have, which caused her to pause and have to refer back to the powerpoint a few times. For the next time if she goes over her information more, I know it will be a STELLAR presentation.
Her body language, to me, gave an air that she was not nervous being in front of the class, but at the same time showed that she was uncomfortable with the information because again, she did not have the info in her head. Her eye contact for about 80% percent of the speech was FAN-TASTIC. She bounced around the room like a pro, looking at everyone and not focusing on one area for too long as to lose the interest of another area.
Overall I think Lavenus' speech was a THUMBS UP! My only suggestion for next time would be to read over your presentation a few more times so you know it, if you do that, it will fix your eye contact, flow, and body language problems all at once, and you'll get a 100%! GOOD JOB! =)
Nick Tufo
My partner is Destyne who presented on style. I believe Destyne improved compared to her last presentation, but she still need to improve on certain aspects. I believe she had a good attention grabber for her introduction. Even thought she grabbed people’s attention by using comedy, I felt she lost her train of thought after the introduction.
She kept reading off the power point but once she got off the power point she made good eye connection. She explained her points well but did not really related to herself enough. Towards the end of her presentation, she did not really have a conclusion it was more like “ok I’m done” so she needs to have a conclusion next time. But I believe she had a nice conversational voice and she kept smiling, so I didn’t really loose interest in her topic.
Aamir Hayes’ speech entitled “Poetry” was very impressive in a number of ways, but lacking in others. He began with an interesting introduction, which included a strong attention getter in which he read a portion of a poem. He also included a credibility statement within his intro, in which he cited the poem and its significance. His connectives were smooth and led right into each point. Vocally, his diction was crystal clear and his volume was perfect, and his tone was very conversational. Aamir maintained fairly good eye contact during his presentation; most always I felt that he was speaking directly to me. His hand gestures and body language were subtle, but got the point across without being too fidgety or grandiose. He failed to cite his pictures, which becomes self-plagiarism, and he didn’t cite his sources enough either. He displayed thorough knowledge of his topic and how he plans to benefit from it in the future. It was obvious that poetry was his passion. The problem with Aamir’s conclusion was that it came before his interview, and then he misused the interview by simply reading it instead of tying it into his feelings about his passion. Overall, Aamir did a very nice job and his presentation was exceptional.
Danielle Brown was my speech buddy and her passion was appearance and style. Her speech was well research and presented, her voice was forceful but it kept my attention throughout the presentation. She cited well and there was obvious in debt research was put into the presentation. She had a problem with reading from the PowerPoint this cause a momentary line between her and the audience. Her pacing improves since last speech and she had great volume. The main problem was her speech was too long because of the video that added great information and brought and kept the attention. Her citing was good as stated before it show that she research well. Overall, her speech was informative and she got the task at hand done successfully which was to inform on her passion of appearance and style.
My speech buddy was Ashley Pichardo on Alturism- helping others. Ashley had a good intro like last time. She had a clear and loud voice with a conversational tone. Her smile is also a plus because it shows she is enjoying talking about her passion. She had good citing but not on the pictures. You must always cite the pictures even if they are personal.
Once again, she was loosing the audiences eye contact when referring to the PowerPoint. She did better in the sense that she did not use index cards, though she had to much hand movement, which can be distracting.
Ashley's information was once again very detailed, letting the audience know that she did do her research. I also liked how she could personalize volunteering to activities she has participated in. I can see it truly is her passion.
The conclusion was allot better than last time. It was strong just like her introduction with a good quote. Overall, Ashley did improve and maybe by the next presentation will be flawless.
My speech buddy is Sherien. Her passion is movies. Today she discussed how movies excite her in away few things can. I thought her introduction was okay. She got the audience involved by asking a question. I feel she could of used something stronger for the intro. Like instead of opening with a question she could of did like a preview of a movie for her intro. I really enjoy her movie clip she shared with the class. That was an fantastic move on her part because the classroom became engaged. She really captivated me there. She spoke with passion for her passion. She interviewed an experienced person in the field-Prof. C. That helped with her credibility. She also sited well. She informed the audience about specific things like edit effect and types of camera. She made it personal by sharing her experiences in the field. Like when some network came to her school and used the same cameras she learned to use. On the other hand, she did use too many "uhms"..and "uh"....and when she read off the cards she lost me. It was dry when she read. Overall she did great. She got up there with a smile on her face and went for it!
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