Monday, August 4, 2008
Passion Speech Critiques - 10 am class
Please post your blog critiques under this posting. Be sure to include enough details for both delivery and content aspects to include at least three improvements and three strengths. Remember that I am expecting some depth in your critique comments. You should not only help your speech "buddy" set goals for the fall semester but, illustrate from the perspective of the sender what makes for effective communication.
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14 comments:
Anjel,
I want to start off saying that your passion speech was immensely better then your first speech. The first thing that i believe you did a really great job on was citing your information, all of the quotes that you got from teachers were interesting and were cited correctly. All of your main point were connected extremely well. For instance when you went from how your teachers help you out/ inspired you as a child and that is one of the main reason Education is your passion because you want to help kids out just like your teaching which lead into your previous jobs. It was all very smooth. I loved how you used personal experiences in your speech it should that you were serious about educating being your passion. For instance, when you said that your are molding America's future by being an elementary school teacher.
There are only two things that I believe that you need to improve throughout your speech. Your introduction was straight to the point.You started off saying "My passion is education" whereas you should have started off with a question or and interesting fact. The second thing you have to work on is your use on "umms." Every other thought there was an "umm." If the "umms" were not present in your speech your presentation would have been perfect. Your main points were on key but the umms distracted a lot of people. Over kudos for another great presentation.
Deanna,
Since your last speech you have improved greatly. You got a lot better with your "ums" and "uhs" which i know u struggled with last time. The improvement was defitnetly noticable. As usual you remained entusiastic and loud throughtout your entire speech and you kept my attention the whole time. Your attention grabber was also on point, and drew your audience in. I like how you always seem to make your speeches personal by adding in examples from your own life.
Some things you may still need to work on however, are your conclusion your "umms" and "Uhs" and your speed. You still lacked a strong conclusion and it was a shame since you had such a strong opening. Also your speed was a little fast and you fumbled on your words a bit. Althought your "umms" got a lot better since your last speech, they were still present, and if you slowed down a bit you may be able to eliminate that problem.
Jose, I felt that your speeches are more intriguing every time. You opened with an introduction that helped everyone related to something they are familiar with, and then you introduced us to something new. I like how you gave history on why it was your passion and where it came from. Your flow from point to point made sense and we were all able to follow along. Your voice projected to the whole class loud enough for everyone to hear and understand you. I felt your connection with your passion and future was realistic. You were able to bring your speech to a solid conclusion that recapped the presentation. I don't see any weaknesses in your speech or presentation. Keep up the great work!
Irving,
Your introduction was interesting, I really liked how you asked people for their opinion. The main points were very clear and informative. The fluidity was perfect; you introduced what you were going to say next, you had great connectives. The volume of your voice was easily heard and you used your words well. You didn't use any slang. You still said "um", but not as much as the last speech. Although through your facial expressions I could see that you really were passionate about your passion, you didn't seem as enthused in your voice. I felt that you really connected with the audience with your eye contact; you looked around the room not at a particular corner or part. The only problem with your eye contact was that you looked at the notecard a lot. As for your stance and posture, you tended to lean on the table a few times. With your citations, you did a lot better than your first speech with citing your sources. In this speech I felt that I knew exactly where you received your information. Another concern was that you didn't have an interview with someone who had the same passion as you. Overall I believe you ameliorated this speech from the last.
Vanessa,
Since your last speech, you have improved drastically. You improved by verbally citing the sources this time around. You also used a lot less “ums” and “uhs” in this speech. You continued to have great eye contact, by not just focusing one spot of the room nor one person. The way you projected your voice was exceptional because I believe everyone in the room heard what you had to say. Your transitions were very clear and understanding, I think the audience knew when you were moving onto the next topic without any confusion. You had a wonderful attention grabber by telling the audience an interesting fact about bones in a human body. I believe that had the audience wanting to know more and it interested them. The clarity of your main points were also very clear and understanding, I did not have to even question what they were because you made it clear and obvious that they were your main points. A few things you could have worked on for the next speech would be trying not to look at your power point and index card as much, because it interrupted your momentum at times. Next time also practice not crossing your legs while you are presenting, even though you probably didn’t realize you were doing it, it still was a sign of nervousness. Overall, Vanessa, your speech was great and you had plenty of improvements. Of course, there is always room for improvement, and I mentioned the area you need to work on. Keep up the good work and good luck on your next speech.
Irving Pole
Amanda,
Your speech was great. I hope you do pursue Psychiatry. You was loud and clear with your delivery. Your articulation was consistent. What I loved was that your voice fluxuated it really kept us focusing.The fluidity into the main points was smooth and great.Your use of examples and the way you incorporated personal anecdotes was superb.You seemed knowledgable about the topic. You were very enthusiastic and convincing of your passion.You were very factual with your conversational style. Your conclusion was short but concise. You could work on your stance.you were fidgeting too much.You could use more verbal and powerpoint citing. More pictures in your powerpoint wouldn't hurt. You used "umm" but it was very little. You also got slightly sidetracked by the audience.
Emma,
You started off your presentation very well with the youtube clip and it was a nice transition into your passion. It was different and immediately got your audience's attenntion. You showed plenty of credibility and I like the fact that most of them were great quotes that tied into your passion nicely. Your main points were easy to follow and easy to understand for those of us who do not really follow up on dancing and performing. Your volume and pitch were great, you spoke clearly and loud enough so that the whole room could hear you. I heard a few "uhms" and a slip up once or twice but you held it together very nicely and carried on with your presentation. I like how you focused your eyes on everyone in the audience, I can tell that your really trying to connect with your peers but just position your body so that its facing the audience and not favoring one side. You looked at the powerpoint and note card here and there but it was mostly to read off quotes so I can understand why. You knew what you were talking about from start to finish and we could all tell that you are very passionate about the topic. You looked comfortable in front of everyone so I did not sense any nervousness. You ended your presentation very nicely, just next time add a conclusion slide and I admire the fact that you were able to talk about your brothers passing and relate it to the topic at hand. Even if you choked up a little you still went on with the presentation which must have been tough but you've shown how strong you are. Overall you did excellent and deserve nothing less than an A.
Vonnie,
In your speech you connected well with the audience up to a certain point. As you started you kept good eye contact with the audience, but throughout the middle-end you tended to look at the power point often.
You articulated your message well to the audience and we could all see that you were really enthused about your passion. The interpretations of the songs were great connectives. You seemed composed except for the few "um's" that you used as well as the crossing of the legs.
You had good information in your speech, but you need to cite the sources better. If you work on that your credibility will be there and will make your speeches better. The conclusion was interesting and different from anyone else's. The music was a good attention getter. Next time the music should be lower so the audience can hear you, but it was a good idea. Overall it was still a good speech and if you just work on the mentioned suggestions, I think you will be perfect.
Shameer,
Shameer did his passion speech on fashion. He seemed as if he knew what he was talking about. He gave many examples on how ever since he was young how he followed fashion. He also told us about how he wants to be just like his role model Russell Simmons. Shameer spoke very clearly and with a good enough tone that every one heard him speech. His eye contact was very good as he schemed through his audience and tried to make his speech entertaining and informative.
Shameer did have many mistakes. His introduction didn't have any credibility or a thesis so know one knew what his speech was going to be about. He also didn't have any citations during his whole speech. His conclusion was also bad because he didn't restate what his speech was about. I believe that Shameer was a little unprepared but, I’m confident enough to say that if he had more time then his speech would improve immensely.
The speech Harry did was pretty well spoken but not quite better than his last. his choice of words could have been better but his projection was great. everyone knew what he was saying even though he seemed to jump around from point to point. If he was better prepared his information could have backed him up,no only with his credibility, but withhis presentation as a whole. his body language showed he was confident in what he was saying. Eye contact was constant which kept the crowd interested. he also kept a confident smile that showed he was very comfortable.
Jarea,
I liked the use of the clip in the beginning of your presentation. I though it was a good attention getter because watching the clip about helping people in Africa made me think that your presentation was going to be a informative and convincing. You incorporated a lot of your own experiences, such as the experiences you had with your grandmother feeding the homeless and also when you said you went to South Africa. You seemed enthusiastic about the topic because you kept smiling and your voice was loud and clear and I think everyone heard you very well. You didnt use umm that much, however you still used it so try and work on that. The body language was good because you didnt cross your legs or lean or move around too much.
The things you have to work on mostly are your credibility and your conlusion. Your conclusion was too brief and you didnt leave a lasting impression. Also, you looked up at the poewer point too much you were practically reading off of it. Keep the eye contact by looking around the room and at individual people. Just work on those things and you should be fine.
Raquel,
I was very happy to see that you had gotten a bit more accustomed to speaking in front of an audience. I liked your topic; however, your enthusiasm as well as your voice projection seemed to fade at times. The second time up you seemed very relaxed which portrayed that you did work on the weakness and improved greatly. Nonetheless, you need to read over your information a little more because you forgot some of it while you were up, so just work on that. Also, your “umms” were a lot less than the first time so that also showed improvement. Also, cite your sources more because I did not catch any during your presentation; remember that citing your information is vital in order to have credibility. In my opinion, your downfalls are just the projection of your voice and citations, work on that and you should have no problem doing well on your speeches.
Raquel,
I am happy to see that you are a bit more comfortable with speaking in front of the class. This shows that you have worked on calming down in front of your audience and it has helped you become a better speaker. For this speech in particular, your introduction was ok, however, you should work on projecting your voice a bit more because your voice faded a bit in the intro. This is essential because you need to get your audiences' attention from the beginning and keep it there. You also need to work on your sources because I did not hear any during the speech. You did great with your eye contact, so thats a plus from last time and your posture has definitely improved from leaning around and looking a bit insecure in your first speech. Keep the confidence up and you'll do great on your future speeches. Your knowledge of the topic was great but just read it or research it more so you can be even more confident about what you are going to speak about. Rather than that, keep up the good work and just remember the small mistakes you've made and capitalize.
Good luck!
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